This is a shameless attempt to save the the most advanced civilization in
history from imminent self destruction by eliminating carbon emission,
dependence on foreign sources of fuel,obesity, hypertension and diabetes.
Cycling accomplishes all those things at once and helps us develop a better
understanding of ourselves, each other and our relationship to the cosmos.

Oh, horse puckey!
I like to ride bikes, have been doing it all my life.
The rest of that crap is just a fringe benefit,
and the blogosphere gives me a chance to share my interior
monologue with virtual rather than imaginary friends.

Thursday, July 3, 2014

The silly season is here!

It's that time of year when the great machine of the sport of cycling  flops up and exposes it's horrible self.  It's tour season. 
 No not the really dumb one where we get to see how talented drug addicts can really be.
The one where people ride around the world like a bunch of American commuters.
 I get so tired of  the excuses.  Browsing a Facebook page, I found people cycling around the world:
to "raise money to educate children about different cultures,"
to " raise money in honor of his mother who died of cancer,"
to "raise money to map routes for other cyclists,"
to "go on a global dumpster diving mission to protest  food waste
and, of course, raise money."
I do a lot of things when I ride around  on my bike,
 but I ain't diving no dumpsters, I'm cooking my own food and paying my own way.
What the hell is wrong with saying you like to travel this way?  You don't need to justify your behavior.
I asked a class of high school kids to give me reasons to ride a bike rather than drive a car.
 They gave me 8 separate reasons involving health, environmental and financial considerations,
before anybody thought of FUN!
They obviously never saw our centerfold model
 (I can't get over that one).
Bike tourists are the same way.  They can't go on a weekend trip to the local Renaissance Festival,
 they gotta ditch their jobs, live on donations and pretend to sacrifice for mankind.
 They make me sick.
Admit it, you like it, work it into your regular life.

Enough, it's soon to be the season of idiocy when all the bike manufacturers release next years crap.
TREK got a jump on everybody with one that only weighs 10 lbs.  
They jumped out with a "lifetime warranty" to go with it  (Can't wait to read that!). The idea of a lifetime warranty on a 10 lb carbon fiber bike makes me think of a 67 page pile of legalese. Hell the warranty will probably weigh more than the bike, and be shipped by special courier for signature delivery before the bike is shipped.   Anyway, I think they missed the boat.  This is a plastic frame.  Fill the chambers with some gas to counteract all that excess weight.  It can come with a standard wrist leash so it can float along behind the riders at the food stops during charity rides.  That would be some real American marketing,   Honestly I think TREK has it going.  N+1 is the rule and mortgage rates are still quite low.  I'm thinking the banks will do well with the flurry of activity as the spandex hamsters scamper off to hock their family's future to get a new ornament for the roof of their Lexus.
Happy Birthday America!


  1. Sorry Marc, after 2 years of checking your blog, I find far too much cynicism in this post. I will no longer be a reader. Like you, I ride for fun, but this post is everything but fun.

  2. Obviously the cynicism was intentional, but apparently too effective. I'd hoped the following post would have countered. Sorry